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Literature Text
I know that none of it’s real.
I know that it’s all just dreams.
I know it’s all in my head,
It’s not what it seems,
I heard what you said,
That this is goodbye…
Don’t say goodbye.
I know I’m asking too much.
I know I can’t make you care.
I know it’s something I need,
Not something I share,
Maybe it’s just greed,
But I’ve got to try…
Please let me try;
Just let me try.
Let me pretend,
Act like you’ll stay,
Don’t let it end,
Don’t go away;
But I know that I know it’s a lie.
I know I’m in this alone.
I know you’ll never be here.
I know I have to let go,
I can’t live in fear;
It’s hard but I know
I’m not going to cry
Or wonder why;
There is no why;
There’s just…goodbye.
I know that it’s all just dreams.
I know it’s all in my head,
It’s not what it seems,
I heard what you said,
That this is goodbye…
Don’t say goodbye.
I know I’m asking too much.
I know I can’t make you care.
I know it’s something I need,
Not something I share,
Maybe it’s just greed,
But I’ve got to try…
Please let me try;
Just let me try.
Let me pretend,
Act like you’ll stay,
Don’t let it end,
Don’t go away;
But I know that I know it’s a lie.
I know I’m in this alone.
I know you’ll never be here.
I know I have to let go,
I can’t live in fear;
It’s hard but I know
I’m not going to cry
Or wonder why;
There is no why;
There’s just…goodbye.
Written to the rhythm of the song "Being Alive" from Steven Sondheim's Company, although not quite as hopeful as the original lyrics.
(2013)
© 2014 - 2024 A--Anthony
Comments4
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Overall
Vision Originality Technique ImpactThis is a pretty good piece. The strength comes in how consistent it is in it's theme, message, and quality. I will admit, that it's not saying anything profoundly new or different. Personally, I'd put a new spin on the "Don't leave me message". Other than that, you seem to have a firm grasp on good repetition. Well except for when you rhymed "Try" three times. I understand you did it on purpose to emphasize the feeling of desperation, but I just kinda find it off a little. There really isn't much wrong with the poem as a whole. But the only thing I'd reccomend is that you expand your vocabulary a little. Maybe get a thesarus. Also you could try removing a few words for flow.
Example
I know that none of it's real
I know it's all just dreams
could be
I know that none of it's real
I know it's just dreams
But again, the quantitiy of words is just a preference. Same thing with vocabulary.
I may be asking too much
I know you will never care
I know it's something I need,
For you to be there
But overall, I like it. I'd just recommend that you'd maybe expand your vocabulary and use more colorful words